Today I arrived at the office at 8:45am, 15 minutes later than usual (10 minutes I blame on the MBTA, and 5 minutes I take full responsibility for.) Although my workplace is flexible with arrivals and departures, I like to maintain a facade of punctuality, so I noted with relief that my boss’s office was dark and his door was closed.
My tardiness would not be noticed, but I noticed my boss’s tardiness because he’s usually in by 8am. I checked my email and saw no “Working from Home” email, so I figured his commute was particularly beleaguered. I fetched my tea and began the day’s project of redesigning the online help system by pecking gently at various CSS files.
About 20 minutes later, my department’s Vice President whisked by my desk: “Meredith, could you head over to the other side of the floor? I have an announcement to make to everyone.”
Dread gripped me as I stalked across the floor to stand with the other members of my department. Last time this grim gathering took place, it was to announce cost cuts, downsizing, and layoffs. That’s when I thought of my boss’s absence… could it be? Did my boss get canned? No, impossible. He’s well-liked and well-regarded, and he’s been at the company for nearly 4 years.
The department VP, a woman who I’ve known for about 6 years, stood in front of us. “I have some very sad news to share with you. [My boss] passed away suddenly last night.”
I overuse the adjective “stunned.” I realized that today. I say that stunned me, this stunned me, and usually I’m talking about occurrences that are not in fact stunning but surprising. This, though… to learn that my boss, who was 47 years old and in excellent shape, who jogged every other day, hiked mountains with his family, and just received a black-belt in Tae Kwon Do, who just yesterday had sent me emails about screenshots that he needed, had died… I mean, shit. I was stunned. I’m still stunned.
Apparently my boss had collapsed suddenly while warming up for Tae Kwon Do class with his teenaged son. And died.
I wish it had been layoffs. But no, the department VP stood there, crying for the sudden death of the man who had been a good friend and colleague. No one else made a sound. We were all stunned.
Soon I found myself back at my desk. The enormity of what happened hit me, and I quietly started to cry. I felt the need to go through my Inbox and delete all of the hundreds of emails that he’s ever sent to me. He was my boss, I was his only subordinate. What do I do? How can I sit in the office while feeling such profound sadness? Who do I tell that I’m leaving work early? I look at my boss’s office, and I see his door is closed, and his office is dark.
