My theory of the East Coast of the United States is that the deposition of the citizenry correlates to the temperature of their respective environs. People warm up the further south you go, all the way to Key West, a town so laid back that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask where the closest ‘pisser’ is. Head north and the smiles gradually harden and frosty detachment becomes the norm. Here in Boston, people will actually glare at you for sneezing in public. Go an hour further north and you’ll be in Maine, where only the moose smile at strangers.
So a small town in Maine is getting a topless coffee shop, thanks to a local entrepreneur who told the Boston Globe “Everything is failing, but nudity is not a dying business. No matter where you go, people are half-dressed. I figured, what the hell can I lose?” How about your shirt, ha ha? Seriously… where are people half-dressed in Maine? Even at the height of summer, it’s too cold to wear a swimsuit to the beach.
The topless coffee shop will be called… The Topless Coffee Shop. So much for retaining an air of mystery. On the menu will be coffee, tea, cappuccino, juices, soda, and pastries. Oh, the innuendo. “Would you like milk or cream?” Oh, the hazards of frothing milk at the espresso machine.
My initial reaction is that the people who hang out in coffee shops aren’t the same crowd who get off on a topless staff. But the shop could attract a following, simply because there’s really nothing else to do in Maine. Plus 9 months out of the year females swaddle their flesh in wool and synthetic fleece, heightening nakedness’s attraction. Bottom line is, if this works out I may have to revise my theory about the East Coast, because I don’t think even Key West is ready for topless coffee shops.
