Yesterday Mr. Pinault and I walked home from the movie theatre in the sweltering mid-day heat. We had just seen Son of Rambow, a cute but dragging British film that we realized (too late) was aimed at teenagers. Normally, we’d be spurting brilliant post-movie commentary, but the oppressive heat evaporated our brain activity, and we speculated about how life would be if the weather remained this hot and sticky for months at a time. “I’d be too lazy to think rationally about politics, religion, and society in general,” I admitted. “I’d sit in front of the television with the AC on and get fat,” Mr. Pinault admitted. And that’s when we realized… we were experiencing empathy for Texas!
We managed to quell the insane urges to buy guns, dip snuff, rope bulls, and listen to country music, but my brain cells still remain too swollen with humidity to think properly. So, in lieu of thought, I bring you the latest installment of the favorite search engines phrases from my website statistics.
INTERROGATIVE
what does it mean when i see a rat in the daytime
what does it mean if my horse has grove’s on her horny wall of hoof
what does hitler say has happened to the government of bavaria and germany in the munich punch
what is a thin waterway called
what is green days lead singers real whole name
is asparagus singular or plural
where is the nearest ben and jerry scoop shop in powder springs
did president johnson swim nude
does billie joe armstrong wear glasses
who is satanism
are store bought seashells real
should cervix be taken out during a hysterectomy
how has the business cycle affected finagle a bagel
how to take a bong hit carb
how much postage is needed for the hallmark voice cards
what scientifically makes girls horny
how to fold a origami bustier
QUOTES
“trip to france” escort lingo
“asparagus mash” recipe
adjectives used to “describe bread”
“originally a welsh surname” david
“boring songs like suedehead”
“german bathrooms”
hallmark card “safely tucked in”
“natick erection”
“ivy league felons”
“his brooks brothers attire”
“the game of life” “police officer” salary “teacher”
“13 ounce rule” and “usps” and “stupid”
maxim “buds and suds” for dinner
CELEBRITY
barbara ehrenreich embraces what personal heritage
sarah jessica parker’s face super imposed on a horse
tom hanks, he lives forever with the rat movie
lance armstrong frontal nudity
ivanka trump smoking weed
greendays audience is split almost evenly between males and
“claire danes” “padded bra”
“tim toomey” gay
wallace stevens ice cream death motivation
“pinky michelle” “star jones”
jen aniston shaves legs turned off water environment
bush twins artificial insemination
sarah silverman i had to explain to her “you can’t smell yourself”
morgan spurlock oatmeal for thirty days
ted haggard and his gay stiff upper lip
stiff-upper-lip ted haggard
ted haggard’s secret green lawn
EVERYTHING ELSE
retarded butt monkey banana phone salad mix
she is hot
san pellegrino green urine
banging fat coworker
snow-like
maybe i wrote in invisible ink oh i’ve tried to think how i could’ve made it appear
juicer recipes virility
mcgreen umass
dream meanings stick pin stuck in hand
homemade happy pills
funny shovels
shark attacks menstruation cancun
maggie’s farm stock exchange
italian wedding gifts: elephant with trunk pointing up
triathlon transition nude pics
entire website devoted to crotch shots of peaches
baggage handling disaster movie
rock music video with a woman coming out of a piano in a wedding dress and really high heels
i see your panties
snoopy origami diagram
fox fur strappy sandal fetish
community service orange jacket trash picker picture
inspirational horse statistics
luxurification
fat hot dogs
mereidith, hooters girl
