In order to cull the delightfully quirky search engine queries from my website statistics, I sift through literally hundreds of queries that at best can be called indelicate and at worst can be called criminally prurient. Some do make it to the final list if they are relatively prudent and have a comical redeeming quality. For example, I have a soft spot for queries that juxtapose orthodox religion with impropriety, like horny mennonites and “mormon moms” nude.
But I can’t even begin to post all of the X-rated queries, which cover basically every possible standard and/or deviant sexual behavior that has ever been conceived. I cringe to think that people who type such things into search engines have, ew, touched this website. I know that I’ve warranted this attention by using a few naughty words over the years, but I really have no idea why this lil’ old website would qualify as a result for “ass fisting virgins hardcore” (although from now on, I guess I can’t complain).
Despite all the depravity, this month I think I got the happiest Google ever: jesus happy face. How sweet is that? It instantly washes away all the gross feelings I get from queries like bathroom hidden camera pics and entire website devoted to crotch shots of peaches.
INTERROGATIVE
what do employees at cvs wear
whatever happened to the chinese gymnast who hurt herself at the olympics
what is pinky-sweared
what figure of speech is “moon rattles like a fragment of angry candy” from “the cambridge ladies who live in furnished souls”
where to find exotic color legging in the natick mall
what does a fat female look like
who did mark twain say he wanted to bash in her skull with her shin bone
can you fit a twin mattress in the back of a lexus suv
what country had a swim team swore off drinking and big macs for the 1996 olympics
what food makes you horny and board
QUOTATIONS
“diamond dead”
“can ticks survive”
“cambridge is expensive” “ma”
“mormon moms” nude
“snoopy origami”
“workslows”
“andy warhol” “body dysmorphic disorder”
“boring songs like suedehead”
CELEBRITY
johnny rotten in a green sweater
carne wilson skinny dip
jean-luc picard narcotic abstinence
edith piaf’s personal belongings
jenna bush nipple slip with president
britney spears if she was fat
lance armstrong black embroiled suite jacket
MISSPELLED
men must live and create. live to the pint of tears
peppermint snopes liquor
ass peraide
she guaged her friends belly fat
illustration french bike bagette
EVERYTHING ELSE
mothers against drunk drivers boycott against red lobster
garter snake and vegetables musky odor
gym instructors fraternize with female clients
restaurants in greensboro nc with smoking sections
fat housewives cop killing -desperate
german runner defecates on herself during marathon
horny mennonites
horny mom want pleasure sex with her son
photo picture sex cigarettes in the cervix
mistress whip chauffeur maid
signs of virginity pictures
bobaraba penis
peaches that lives on a farm
waiting to eat parched stomach clown straws circles lyrics
the meaning behind away in a manger football chant
volleyball crotches
those sad green eyes that tantalize and pierce me to my core
seafood at johnny’s food master supermarkets any good fresh
ihop oily stools
gigantic skeletal remains of the mythical hunter orion
meredith green, anthony greens wife, picture
jesus happy face
