The New York Times ran an article yesterday about Linda L. Bean, granddaughter of LL Bean and an heiress to his vast fortune. For the past several years, Linda L. Bean has been executing on a business plan to “mass market Maine lobster the way Perdue does chicken” (here). Because it takes a kooky woman to make a cheap lobster.
I’ve never bought anything from LL Bean, and in fact I’ve been consciously boycotting the company for the past 5 years, precisely because of Linda Bean, who was previously known as Linda Bean Folkers but has either divorced or decided to market herself better. Linda Bean is a notorious figure in Maine, a “deeply religious, conservative Republican” who has tried to unsuccessfully buy her way into politics in two failed bids for Congress. She uses her fortune to fund right-wing causes like anti-gay rights campaigns, and is known to fraternize with televangelists and Christian cult leaders. But what really burns me about Bean: She once dismantled a 60-year old camping shelter on her vast Maine property, and constructed a barrier on a town-owned road that lead to the property and hiking trails, because she was upset over campfires and trash on her land. You’d think a women who lives off the largess of outdoor activity would try to find a more amendable solution.
Bean has funneled millions of dollars into her vision of becoming Maine’s lobster magnate. She’s buying wharves, warehouses, and processing stations. She started a chain of sandwich stands and restaurants called “Linda Bean’s Perfect Maine Lobster Roll”, with the goal of having at least 100 franchises nationwide in a year. And she’s been lobbying for costly Maine lobster certification to protect consumers from that fake Canadian crap lobster.
But although she’s making an impact on the lobster business, Bean focuses most of her attention on the marketing end of things. For instance, Bean is trying to re-brand the meat that comes from a lobster’s claws, under the belief that the word claws is “scary.” Her idea (patent pending)? “Linda Bean’s Lobster Cuddlers.” Cuddlers! Aw, because the wobster wuvs you! (Maybe my mind’s just diseased, but ‘dipping cuddlers in butter’ sounds downright naughty).
Bean is also planning on trademarking two phrases to describe her lobster offerings: “It Stirs Your Primal Senses” and “In a Class by Itself.”
“I love to work with words,” she said, admiring the latter phrase on a truck.
WTF? How are either of these phrases applicable to lobster rolls? When my primal senses are being stirred, its not because I’m looking at mayo-slathered lobster on white bread. Class, indeed.
“[Bean] has also commissioned local artisans to make tableware from lobster shells and a lobster claw pendant; both will be sold at her restaurants.”
The entire souvenir industry in Maine has been relying on the iconic lobster for decades. If Linda L. Bean thinks that she can peddle some some special, unique lobster crap that the world’s never seen before, she can go right ahead, but I think she’s overestimating the appeal of lobsters. It’s one thing to be in Maine and want to memoralize the idyllic vacation by buying a headband with wiggly lobster-claws (yes, I really did). It’s another thing to be in a restaurant and want to memoralize that delicious lobster roll you had for lunch by buying lobster-themed houseware.
