There are some people with whom it’s simply impossible to end a conversation. Perhaps they lack some hormone or cluster of brain cells that alerts a normal person when the dialogue has become stale, awkward, or has just run its course. Normally at that point, one person will initiate a conversation closer by saying something generic and cheery (for instance: “Well, good luck with that!”), and the other person will gratefully lob back a sentiment equally as bland and blithe (“Thanks, I’ll need it!), and they will part ways.
But some people just don’t pick up on not-so-subtle hints that the chat is dead and needs to be buried. They just keep going. Here’s a totally made-up example:
“Well, good luck with that Ebay auction!” the conversation ender will say, inching away from the conversation never-ender.
“Oh, I don’t need luck. I just need to make sure that I’m at my computer at 11:37 tomorrow night.”
“Yes, well, good luck!”
“But, did you know there’s software that allows people to make an Ebay bid one second before the auction ends?”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“I mean, I could use that software, but I wonder what would happen if two people used the software for the same auction! Have you ever considered what would happen if two people place a bid at the exact, and I mean the exact, same moment?”
“I don’t know.”
“I guess I would use that software for something that I really, really wanted. It depends on the fees though, don’t you think?”
The never-ender will persist, purposely or non-purposely ignoring any sort of verbal or bodily hints that the conversation has essentially become a one-sided exercise in narcissistic prattle. The ender will be struggling to remain polite while mentally plotting when and how to attempt another conversation closer, this time with more force and, if necessary, rudeness.
Today I saw two co-workers who I consider flagrant never-enders talking together. It sort of blew my mind for a second, like seeing the two funniest people I know together, or the two biggest dicks, or the two most avid foodies, or something of that order. I walked past them on my way to a meeting, my shoulders narrow and eyes down. And wouldn’t you know, when that meeting let out 20 minutes later, I past them again and they were still in conversation! That’s when I realized that these two people could very possibly sustain a never-ending conversation. I almost wanted to stick around, to see how and if it would end.
