I have an eccentric distant cousin who refuses to drive or be driven over bridges. I’m sure the Minneapolis bridge collapse and the ensuing hysteria about general bridge safety (1 in 10 of nation’s bridges are structurally deficient! screams media) has validated her anxiety, heightened her resolve, and made her a forerunner in the Next Big National Fear: Gephyrophobia.
From what I’ve read, most people who suffer from gephyrophobia, defined as an abnormal and persistent fear of crossing bridges, are pathologically fixated on the idea of driving off of the bridge into the water. Perhaps it’s never occurred to people to be anxious about the bridge’s integrity. Until now.
President George W. Bush, known for his snappy and eloquent reactions to unexpected tragedy, has pledged federal support to rebuild the bridge. “We in the federal government must respond, and respond robustly, to help the people there not only recover, but to make sure that lifeline of activity – that bridge – gets rebuilt as quickly as possible.” Yeah, whatever, Bush. You are doing little to quell the tide of gephyrophobia. Your credibility is nil. Everything you touch turns to rubble.
Speaking of phobias, I enjoyed this Photoshop contest of phobias, but only because of a visualization of luposlipaphobia, which every Gary Larson fan knows is the fear of being pursued by timber wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly waxed floor. While I’m not an active sufferer of luposlipaphobia, the more that I think about it…
