This morning, after several rescheduled attempts, I finally took the GREs.
I don’t have much to say about it. In fact, my brain feels as if it has been kicked in the groin, so I don’t have much to say about anything. Except… no gum while taking the test? No gum? What, am going to scribble formulas on a piece of chewed gum? Will it give me special test-taking powers? Is the gum going to disturb fellow test-takers as much as Mr. Sneezy or Ms. Prolonged Sigh?
Excuse me if my writing lacks a certain pizzazz today, as my powers of self-expression have been exhausted on the essays. I am bound by a signed agreement not to reveal the topics, but I’ll say I spent 45 minutes pasting together random thoughts about the societal effects of televised government proceedings and another 30 minutes churning out crap about an imaginary dietary supplement named Zorba. Sweet Jesus. Why couldn’t they ask me to rant about corporate crooks or riding the T?
If I needed proof that my writing is as intricately tied to the use of a thesaurus as Bukowski’s was to the abuse of alcohol, this was it. It was painful because my essay scores were supposed to be so shiny that the eyes of the college admissions staff would be temporarily blinded before they could see the Math scores.
For those who don’t know, the GREs are now taken on things called “computers.” These computers are smart enough that the level of difficulty can be adjusted for each question, depending on if you answered the proceeding question correctly. If you’re doing well, it gets harder. I almost started crying when I realized the Math section was going way better than I thought it would. It was basically checking to see if I could at least add and subtract.
These “computers” can also display your score when you finish the test (except for the essays). My score was about what I predicted before I took the test, and much better than I forecasted during the test. No, I will not reveal my score, except I did slightly better on Verbal than Math. While the score won’t get me into Harvard, any fine state university would be glad to have me. Unless they’re, like, really good.
I will now commence with the massive GRE Practice Test Workbook Bonfire that I have been dreaming of for months.
