Last Sunday I was talking to my father on the phone, and he mentioned that the city of Philadelphia – currently the murder capital of the United States, with more than one homicide per day – is finally seeing its police department fight back. How can such insane urban violence be quelled? Increased patrolling in blighted areas? A serious pledge to improve the education and opportunities for young black males? Sure, MIGHT help, but Philadelphia is addressing the root causes of its ills…
…by cracking down on storefront fortune-tellers who violate a 1971 state law that makes it a 3rd degree misdemeanor to tell fortunes “for gain or lucre”. After all, taxpayer-funded social programs will only do so much when those thieving psychics are running loose on the streets, peddling magical mayhem, illicit witchery, and hit-and-run hoodoo.
The police exorcised Philadelphia of a total 16 psychics, astrologers, and tarot-card readers. As my father gleefully pointed out, “Not one of them saw the police coming!” Of course, there’s no way of knowing how many true clairvoyants did see them coming and closed up shop in preparation. Luckily, the Philadelphia cops are sparing no effort in hunting them down to protect citizens from their black market black magic.
Next task for the Philadelphia PD: Those charlatanic Christians, who continue to reap significant dough in exchange for communing believers with a Holy Ghost by way of eating His flesh and drinking His blood to attain forgiveness and eternal life.
