The only thing worse than watching the morning local news is watching the muted morning local news in closed-captioning. Sometimes the transcribing responsibilities are apparently taken over by a crack-smoking monkey who is prone to banging the stenotype in hooting frustration. My favorite phonetic foible was a report about the health benefits of laughter, called “Lobster is the best medicine.”
But some days, it’s a godsend to have the news anchors’ hokey, jabbering small-talk sterilized into a noiseless transcript. Today the foxy business correspondant finished up her segment with the story about how the citizens of China may successfully drive a Starbucks franchise out of the Forbidden City. The attention turned back to the two anchors, seen boisterously talking and waving their arms as they transitioned to a commercial break. Their words scrolled across the screen: “I like Starbucks. Starbucks makes us warm. Starbucks drinks make us warm. We need warmth. Starbucks can stay here.”
