On one of the big Yahoo Groups for Ethiopian Adoption, there is currently a debate about how much information one should reveal about their children (adopted or otherwise) on a blog. The impetus for this rather-heated discussion came from a link to a blog written by a woman (Southern, uber-Christian) with 3 bio kids and 2 recently-adopted older kids from Ethiopia, who admitted that, after the euphoria faded from bringing her kids home and being greeted in the airport by 500 screaming white people from her megachurch, parenting adopted children was harder than she thought it would be. The reaction to her blog post on the Yahoo group was mixed — a bare majority admired her honesty, while others thought she was too self-congratulatory for undertaking the challenges she so valiantly outlined, while still others jumped all over how she posted pictures, used her kids’ names, and revealed personal details about them (everything from their fears of being abandoned again to her son’s uncircumcised penis) on the big, bad, scary, unforgetting Internet.
Obviously, I blog a lot about my wonderful son. I’ve had this website way before I had him, and when he came into our lives it seemed natural to write about him. But I never really considered that though it is my life, it is his story and I am making it public without his permission. When he gets older, will he be angry at me for blogging about him and posting pictures? I always assumed he would be thankful that a part of his childhood was written down. My parents kept for me a baby book, and I treasure all of the pictures, stories and momentos within it. This was my version of Little Boy’s baby book. And sure, I could keep a private journal for this purpose, and not a public blog. But having an immediate audience spurs me to write. And there are family and friends out there who love to read about Little Boy…
Some of the Yahoo people feel it’s okay to blog about kids, but only if you carefully guard their identity, including not posting pictures of their faces. Others feel that blogging about kids is never okay unless you have their explicit, informed permission because it violates their privacy. I can only imagine how these people would react over how I once posted a picture of Little Boy on the toilet. (Okay, that was cute, but way over the top — I took the photo down.)
But though I may continue to blog a bit more guardedly, I must confess to different notions about privacy. I feel privacy is not something that needs to be totally protected on principle. I know a person who doesn’t have any supermarket loyalty cards because he doesn’t want anyone to know what he is buying; it’s not that he cares if someone notices he primarily buys frozen and prepared foods, it’s a singular rebellion against creeping intrusion on our private lives.
Blogging about how Little Boy likes riding his bicycle and going to the playground is, to me, as harmless as telling people that we eat premium butter, generic-brand cream cheese, and a shitload of European cheese. But yes, there are some things that should be kept private. My yardstick is if I would tell something to a group of co-workers over lunch. Yes, I tell them he’s on daily antibiotics and it takes us 20 minutes to give him his medicine every morning– what shame is there in that? Yes, I brag about all the new English words he’s learning. Yes, I hint at how hard the first 3 months was and I gloat about how awesome everything is now, and I won’t shut up about what a consummate little boy he is.
There’s a lot worse things that people do to their children without their consent. Blogging about children is not exploitation, it’s good ole-fashioned parental pride.
