After the September 11 attacks, the entire country grabbed a flag and waved it around in a profound display of shock and grief. But some people secretly had inappropriate reactions of selfishness, annoyance, indifference, excitement, even happiness. 5 years ago, on the first anniversary of 9/11, Salon.com published a fascinating compilation of people’s “forbidden thoughts”.
(Doesn’t “forbidden thoughts” sound so naughty? Like “Ohh, I couldn’t stop thinking how sexy Guiliani looked standing in the rubble, on all those dead bodies!”)
These are knee-jerk reactions to the attacks in the following hours and days. One woman was relieved to get out of work. Another hoped that enough Manhattanites had perished to snag a 212 phone number. Many felt racist or xenophobic thoughts, while others were thrilled to witness an event of historic proportions. “It was the most exciting day of my career in journalism,” said one reporter. A few people revealed themselves as heartless realists, like a woman who read memorial profiles of all the deceased and thought “Yeah right. Was everyone in the WTC a super amazing person? Someone who worked there must have been an asshole.”
My prevailing emotion at the time was panic for my own personal safety. (I watched way too much hysterical cable news.) Certainly millions of Americans felt terrified, but since I lived and worked in Boston, I reasoned that my fears were more justified than the Midwestern crazies who imagined fanatical Jihadists blowing up the local mall. And I never admitted this, but this fear for my life was exhilarating. Is that forbidden, or is that human?
