The 7-foot snow piles that flank every road, sidewalk, and driveway really give our street a cozy, Arctic labyrinth feel.
(I’m starting to regret that little ‘prayer for snow’ I made way back in December…)
The 7-foot snow piles that flank every road, sidewalk, and driveway really give our street a cozy, Arctic labyrinth feel.
(I’m starting to regret that little ‘prayer for snow’ I made way back in December…)
Posted in Massachusetts.
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– February 3, 2011
A few weeks ago I received a discounted one-month trial of Livemocha, a website that offers language courses in a variety of tongues as well as an online community of other language learners from all over the world. I figured it would be one more tool in my French-language-acquisition arsenal, in which is also stockpiled a slew of grammar drill workbooks, subtitled French cinema, and French podcasts, as well as one French husband who refuses to speak to me in anything but English.
Livemocha exercises are surprising effective; each unit starts with a video featuring two French people having an action-packed dialog (for instance, a woman loses her sac and her friend instructs her to call la banque to annuler ta carte and then offers her a cognac), followed by various grammar, vocabulary, reading, writing, and speaking exercises. Quizzes are plentiful, as is the opportunity to submit your writing and speaking exercises to be reviewed by native speakers who are learning other languages.
“Pas mal pour une débutante!” I fumed to Mr. P after seeing one comment on a speaking submission that involved me talking about where I live. “I can’t believe it! What a prick.”
“What, that is negative? He is saying you are not bad for a beginner,” Mr. P said.
“In English, that is a condescending thing to say to someone, unless it was horrible and you’re trying to make them feel better about being horrible,” I explained. Indeed, I am a little sensitive to the feedback that I receive, which is general (“ok” “Bon travail”) and rarely particular enough to be of any help. Plus, I can’t get over the irony that people in France are reviewing my efforts while my in-home French husband listens on, impassive.
At first I made a real effort to review the writing and speaking submissions of English learners, but it was painful. There’s only so many times I can correct “I am boy, she is girl” before remembering that I am paying for this privilege. The speaking submissions are frequently hilarious. My favorite is a restaurant scene that takes place in Hollywood, in which the Livemocha learner has a dialog with a pre-recorded Bouncy blond American girl:
Bouncy blond American girl: Omigod, is that Tom Cruise?
English Language Learner from Venezuela: Yes… et…. es…
Bouncy blond American girl: Wow, there are so many famous people here!
English Language Learner from Venezuela: Shhh… I… know.
Bouncy blond American girl: This is a great restaurant. Thank you for bringing me here.
English Language Learner from Venezuela: You… are… wel… come…
What could I do but give him five stars and comment, “Not bad for a beginner.”
Posted in Existence.
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– February 2, 2011
Sublime is one of those overused literary words that writers should avoid unless they are talking about fine art, orgasms, or wine, but: Saturday was a simply sublime day for XC skiing. Sure, the snow got a bit mushy from the 35-degree air paired with hundreds of skinny skies propelled by (mostly) skinny skiers, creating warm friction on the groomed surfaces of Windblown XC, but any day that one can escape to glide through the woods of New Hampshire while contemplating fine art, orgasms, and wine is a day that can reaffirm one’s faith in humanity.
A number of high school XC teams were practicing at Windblown for most of the day. We encountered a small group of girls with their coach as we all labored up the Zig Zag trail, a steep, winding trail that weaves across the Alpine-style Open Slope. It’s an arduous journey if you’re on skating skies, even for the young, and we jockeyed position with them in between fits of rest. “This is why America can never be competitive in XC skiing,” I murmured to Mr. P after we skated past the girls, gulping breath and annoyedly wiping away sweat. “In Russia, the coach would be screaming them all the way up the hill.”
After reaching the top of the Open Slope, which affords a fine view of Mount Monadnock, we prepared to descend the Open Slope. I remember when I began XC skiing, how I dreaded going downhill and much preferred the exhausting yet risk-free uphill push. Now I see the downhills as an exhilarating reward for all my efforts. As we frolicked down the Open Slope, we encountered a team of teenage boys, skiing classic-style uphill. I ached just looking at them. Maybe there’s hope for the USA yet!
I ate a hot dog for lunch, and regretted it afterward as it wreaked havoc on my digestion. Since we killed ourselves on the hills in the morning, we stuck to flatter terrain so I could work on my skating technique. I don’t glide as far as I should, because I don’t lift my back foot into the air as long as I should, because my sense of balance is still a work in progress. So I really tried to extend each glide by bending my knees, flattening my front ski against the snow, and picking up my back ski high into the air. It was then that the tip of my front ski fell into a hole left by the tracks of a snowshoe (really, what is up with these snowshoers walking on groomed trails?) and my tenuous balance gave out, hurtling me face first into the snow with my legs splayed comically out behind me. Mr. P was too far in front of me to see, but there were 8 or so high schoolers 50 feet behind me to bear witness to my humiliation. I fought to regain uprightedness– no small task when your skies are on either side of you — before they would be forced to stop when they reached my prone, aging body. Evoking some dormant reflex, I hopped to my feet and skated away as if my life depended on it. I flew along the trail, stealing glances in the woods with its thick blanket of snow, a sight I have always found comforting, like watching a cat sleep. My heart was beating at a rapid tempo, my lungs were singing with breath: Alive! Alive! Alive!
Posted in Existence.
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– January 30, 2011
Last night we watched Good Hair, a 2009 documentary by Chris Rock about the culture, industry, and day-to-day being of hair for African-American women (and some men, á la Prince and Al Sharpton). Going into it, I didn’t understand the depths of my ignorance about Type 3 and 4 hair, as a white woman with straight, limp, long if I wanted it to be hair that couldn’t be nappy if I tried (and yes, in college, I did make an ill-fated attempt to grow dreadlocks, which was like trying to weave silk into a wool sweater.)
According to the movie, black women have two options if they want “good hair” — relaxers that contain damaging chemicals able to eat through a soda can in 4 hours, or time-consuming and inordinately expensive weaves. What a choice, right? On the one hand, weaves won’t make your scalp scabby and bald, but they cost upwards of $1000 and render one’s hair untouchable. One black man in a rowdy barbershop said he hasn’t touched a black woman’s hair since 1986 and proceeded to proclaim that he preferred white women for this reason, which nearly incited a riot among the clientele. (“I can’t remember the last time you ran your fingers through my hair,” I commented to Mr. P, waving my mousy hair in his face.)
The movie doesn’t focus much on black women who choose to go natural, except to say that relaxed black hair relaxes white people — meaning that afros make white people tense. I internally examined this assumption and found I couldn’t really affirm or deny because I can’t remember the last time I saw a black woman with a full-fledged ‘fro who didn’t come from high fashion. Indeed, the movie has a montage of famous black women, and every one of them either had relaxed hair or an obvious weave, a fact that was lost on me until now. Apparently the most relaxed thing about Condoleezza Rice is her hair.
Chris Rock maintains a playfully inquisitive demeanor throughout the film, which spends an inordinate amount of time at the Bronner Brothers hair show in Atlanta, a black-hair products extravaganza replete with competitive choreographed hair-cutting stage shows. Even when the film touches on potentially explosive topics like the takeover of black hair care by multinational corporations, how most weaves come from the sheering of Indian women during a religious ceremony, or the use of chemical relaxers on 2-year girls (which, really, should be banned), the overall tone stays light. It is just hair, after all, even though every woman can tell you that it’s never just hair.
Posted in Review.
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– January 29, 2011
Yesterday I went to a telemark skiing clinic for women at Mount Sunapee Resort in southern New Hampshire. A yoga teacher had mentioned the clinic to me some weeks ago when we made small-talk about skiing and she mentioned she did telemark skiing, evoking instant jealousy as well as guilt about my telemark skis and boots that have sat unused in our storage room for two years. And then she mentioned that she learned to tele at this all-woman’s clinic last year, and it was a super beneficial experience that was well-worth the pricey fee, and that each participant received a goody bag full of swag. I’m a sucker for swag.
So, since Mr. P was spending the weekend doing database stuff, I drove to Sunapee early yesterday morning, watching the temperature reading on the Jetta sink from 11 degrees to 0. Christ it was cold. As I rushed to the lodge from the parking lot with all my gear, I neglected to put on my mittens and my hands promptly became achingly numb. I arrived at the clinic at precisely 9am and was greeted effusively by Heather, a two-time telemark champion and one of the most likable persons I’ve ever met. She pressed the goody bag into my thawing hands and after introductions we were off: 13 women, Heather, and another accomplished telemark skier named Tory. We took the lift up and then were given individual skills tests. Having no idea how to telemark, I simply skied down alpine style. My lack of tele turning didn’t phase them; they seemed pleased that I and everyone else simply stayed upright.
Two other women at the clinic had never been on telemark skis before. One was a seasoned Alpine skier, the other an avowed snowboarder. Us along with two other women who wanted to work on the basics went with Tory, who began drilling us on stance. It took about two hours for me to finally get my body in a position that Tory was happy with: “Yes, that’s IT! Meredith that is AWESOME!” But until then, it was a long, frustrating two hours.
As the Alpine skiers roared passed us and I struggled to keep my front leg lunged and my back heel raised and stable, I wondered what the hell I was doing there. Telemark is for people who’ve been alpine skiing their whole lives and are so bored with it that they need a new challenge. And the telemark stance, with its staggered legs, bent knees, and pure physicality, is a fucking challenge and a half. I thought yoga and general fitness would make me immune to the infamous rigors of tele turns, but after each drill, I converged with the newbies to complain that my thighs were burning.
It was a little discouraging. I’d occasionally be able to eek out a solid telemark turn, but most of the time I’d be struggling to keep my front leg in front of me, stable and bent at a painful 90 degrees. Me and the other beginners felt like we were making some progress just before lunch. We had great hopes for the afternoon, when we’d swap instructors and go out with Heather. But we went on steeper terrain, making it impossible for me to maintain the tele stance without regressing to Alpine turns to avoid wiping out. And my thighs, if I haven’t mentioned, were simply screaming.
By the time the trails closed at 4pm, I hadn’t managed to do any sort of skiing resembling telemark. But, as I told a sympathetic Heather, “I know how to do it, even if I can’t do it. Yet.” She urged me to use my telemark skies when I go downhill skiing, to stick mostly to Alpine and then bust out the tele turns when I feel ready. Overall, I think I got a lot out of the day. And it’s not everyday that I have a champion telemark skier following me down a mountain, yelling “Push the bush!” as a bawdy reminder to keep my hips jutted forward.
Posted in Existence.
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– January 23, 2011
I had a dream that I went to a bar and ordered a Heineken. It was the sort of bar where I felt self-conscious about drinking imported beer, so I didn’t say anything when I was given a Corona. “Five dollars,” said the bartender, which I immediately surrendered, even though the bottle was oddly-shaped, with a pencil-thin neck and a base that held about two ounces of liquid.
Moving away from the bar with my Corona, I remembered that Corona should properly be garnished with lime. It’s a universal law, right? So I went back to the bar and asked for a lime.
“You want a lime?” the surly bartender asked. “Okay, let me find one.” He started rifling through a series of dusty wooden drawers.
“She already has lime!” called a heavy woman who sat previously unnoticed behind the bar.
I looked at my beer. It had morphed into a bowl of beer, and indeed swimming within were a half-dozen so pieces of lime.
“I meant lime juice,” I sweated. “Do you have any lime juice?”
I looked again at my beer. It was a gigantic punch bowl, replete with not only lime but apple slices, pineapple chunks, and whole bananas still in the peel. The bartender squeezed a green plastic lime over the bowl and I thanked him.
Picking up the bowl with two hands, I wandered away into the night. I was in a city street that curved sharply to the right and was flanked with high, toppling snow banks. A young woman was walking in the street, as pedestrians are wont to do when the sidewalks are covered in slushy ice, and white van honked furiously at her. She indignantly moved to the side, and I started throwing fruit at the van: Bananas, saturated pineapple, and lime, all flying in the air at the van. People on the street stopped to stare at me.
“What are you drinking?” asked another pedestrian as my beer sloshed out of the bowl to the ground around me.
“Corona,” I said, even though the liquid was punch-red and non-carbonated. “But I don’t know where I’m drinking it.”
Posted in Existence.
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– January 20, 2011
A messy winter’s night replete with rain and slush had me home tonight, watching Jeopardy. Because, sometimes, it makes me feel smart.
Today’s final Jeopardy answer:
“These are the 2 U.S. states with only 1 consonant in their name”
And NONE of the 3 Jeopardy contestants got the correct question. I was in disbelief. These people had just demonstrated advanced knowledge in arcane matters related to geography, literature, history, and potables, and they don’t just instantly know the 2 U.S. states with only 1 consonant in their name?
Bunch of fucking Jeopardy morons. Oh, excuse me… what are a bunch of fucking Jeopardy morons?
Posted in Americana.
rev="post-6671" 1 comment
– January 18, 2011
I have no training in the field of economics beyond what I need to know in order to avoid destituteness, but I do have several economics-related wackjob theories, namely, that the following items/activities should be made reasonably available and free to anyone who wants them: Books, preventative health care, vegetables, yoga, public transit, and skiing. Wouldn’t the world be a much better place? And wouldn’t I have, like, so much more money in my pocket?
Actually, with the exception of public transit, all of these things are already free… even skiing. Oh sure, going to New Hampshire and buying a lift ticket for a few hours of downhill skiing costs about $70, but the woods in Metro Boston still boast a fluffy, thick snow cover that doesn’t need grooming to be made skiable, if you’re willing to strap on a pair of backcountry skis and gaiters and get a little sweaty.
Middlesex Fells is a popular place for XC skiing, with well-worn tracks going for miles through the reservoirs and pine trees. And it’s completely free… the only price is having to ski through the yellow snow and droppings left by the hundreds of dogs who frequent the Fells along with their masters. (Actually, sometimes, that’s a pretty big, horrifying price. Do not fall.)
Posted in Massachusetts.
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– January 17, 2011
We went ice skating Friday night at the Kendall Square Community Ice Skating rink in Cambridge, courtesy of a Groupon that gave us 2 passes and 2 rentals for $12. It’s the third time we’ve gone ice-skating together, ever. Mr. P is a natural, as he is with any activity involving frozen water: gliding, turning, with complete ease and grace. I am an unnatural: shuffling, wobbling, with thoughts of concussions stiffening my limbs.
We circled the smallish, oddly-shaped rink with about a dozen other skaters whose abilities ran the gamut. I was on the lower-end of the scale, but I managed to stay upright for the duration. Pop music blared — Britney Spears, some Eighties, some current stuff that sounded vaguely familiar although I never heard it before. Two men in their 20s played a spirited game of tag, sprinting between the skaters who looked on with good nature. A heavy, 40ish woman practiced semi-elaborate and totally impressive turns in the rink’s center. Mr. P showed off some fancy footwork: going backwards, dancing with little jumps, raising his left leg behind him and parallel with his torso.
Sometimes Mr. P took my hand and pulled me, increasing my pace beyond my comfort zone, but I laughed and squeezed his hand tightly. I began to have roller-skating flashbacks, and mused upon the strange contentedness bestowed by circling a rink with strangers on precarious footwear.
We skated for 90 minutes, including the zamboni break, and then headed out. Mr. P was buzzing with pleasure, like an artist who had just exhibited his work to an appreciative public.
“Why don’t we ever do anything I’m good at?” I asked on our way home.
“What are you good at, babe?” Mr. P asked. “You want us to read a book together? Write a short story?”
No. I guess we’re doomed to ice-skating.
Posted in Existence.
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– January 15, 2011
Over Christmas, we were talking with my mother about an old cookbook that she had been using, and she mentioned a recipe for meatloaf.
“Have you ever had meatloaf?” I asked Mr. P.
“Meat… loaf?” he repeated.
“I bet you’d like it,” I said. “It’s like a warm, big pate.”
My mother wrote down the recipe for self-proclaimed “favorite meatloaf.” And then our meat CSA delivery was replete with ground meatstuffs. And then we were held hostage in our house by a thundersnow storm that required us to shovel 18 inches of heavy wet snow from the driveway. Indeed, the signs were auspicious for meatloaf.
I never made meatloaf before, and was surprised by how easy it came together. I slapped the mushy pile of meat into a loaf and it eerily held its shape. I added thrice the recommended dry mustard and substituted turmeric for celery salt, giving a decidedly yellowish tinge that made the whole thing pop.
“How do you eat meatloaf?” Mr. P asked me as the smell wafted out of the kitchen, kindling his hunger.
“With lots of broccoli to offset the inherent dietary hazards!” I said.
Meatloaf: paradise by the oven light. Mr. P, indeed, enjoyed the meatloaf, though he seemed intially phased by its inelegant showing on a dinner plate. “Big, warm pate,” I reminded him. “With ketchup.”
Posted in Existence.
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– January 12, 2011