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It’s Raining Rain

Hallelujah, it’s raining rain.

After a dry summer that came after a phenomenally wet spring that came after a disappointingly dry winter, it is raining. And for three days, the rain will sustain. No, it won’t turn the grass green or ensure nice autumn foliage, but it has quenched my hot-blue-sunny-sky-weary soul.

Everyone at my office has returned from vacation — fresh-faced, tanned, and composed. My last vacation? Why, it was in January. I was skiing. Ever since then, I’ve been toiling away like Rumpelstiltskin spinning straw into gold in a tower.

Posted in Culture.

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Wild Fishes

Today I watched Mr. P compete in a swimming race — the Wild Fish One and Two Mile Swim in Salem. I briefly toyed with the idea of taking my maiden plunge into the world of competitive outdoor swimming, but my lack of a wetsuit as well as my fear of sea monsters kept me on the beach, hunched under an umbrella and reading a book about bears while being tortured by the amplified banter of the race’s emcee. Who was literally just making shit up.

“Did you know that swimming two miles is the equivalent of swimming 500 laps in a pool?” she announced soon after the race had gotten under way. I glared in the general direction of the voice for deciminating such obvious falsehoods. A few minutes later, she admitted: “I just learned that 64 laps in a pool equals a mile, so 128 laps equals 2 miles.” Actually, its “lengths,” not “laps,” but whatever. I’m not here to start a war, I’m just here to root for my husband.

Getting Ready to Swim in “Scenic” Collins Cove, Salem, MA

Getting Ready to Go

Swim! SWIM!

Finished in the top Third, and Ready for Free Ice Cream

Posted in Massachusetts.

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House Husband

Tonight I came home from work after a long day of nose-to-the-grindstone technical writing at the office — which was largely emptied of co-workers on this here gorgeous Friday in late August — and found Mr. P in the living room, plugging in the vacuum cleaner.

Hot dog! This made my day. Contrary to my previous beliefs, my husband does know where I keep the vacuum, and he is capable of lifting it and even plugging it in.

Even better, he was listening yesterday when I talked about how I had to clean the house in anticipation of visitors this weekend, because he evidently decided to pitch in by vacuuming!

I threw down my laptop and went to embrace him — quickly, as to not disrupt any housework momentum. That’s when I saw his hard drive box, sitting on the coffee table with the casing removed. That’s when it dawned on me that Mr. P was not vacuuming the house, he was vacuuming his computer. Really, what was I expecting?

(Ay, I can’t really complain. I knew I was marrying a nerd. What’s more, I knew I was marrying a man.)

Posted in Miscellany.

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Espirit Party

Politics have become so boring to me now that America isn’t being governed by a flaming idiot. Craving the asininity of conservative public figures, I resort to reading linguistic analyses of Sarah Palin’s Twitters (here) and colorful attacks on RNC Chairman Michael Steele —  a “horse’s rear,” according to former Republican House majority leader and eponymously-named Dick Armey (here). Well, if that isn’t just the ass calling the ass an ass!

I like Obama. He just makes sense to me. I like to think that, had I been able to rise above my inherent character limitations and become President, that I’d be doing many of the same things as Obama: instilling diversity in the Supreme Court, pulling all combat troops out of Iraq (here), expanding children’s health insurance, reforming health care, funding embryonic stem cell research… Reading articles about Obama doesn’t elicit any emotion other than tacit approval. An offshore-drilling moratorium in the wake of our country’s greatest environment disaster? Okey-dokey, Obama!

To me, the man acts and speaks with such logic that I immediately ascribe a certain dimness to anyone who speaks ill of Obama. Yes, of course the American economy is faltering, unemployment is acutely high, and our education system is crumbling faster than our bridges, but it’s not like these problems just started to happen. It’s not like America was just hummin’ along until Obama started to eff shit up with his radical socialist Islam agenda.

And that brings me to my point: according to a recent poll, 18% of Americans believe that Obama is a Muslim (here). That’s up from the 11% of American who believed this in 2009. So despite having more opportunities to educate themselves about the very public religious beliefs of their President, Americns are just growing more ignorant.

It’s almost as if people want to believe that Obama is Muslim. Because only that could make sense of what’s happening in America: the income inequality, the joblessness, the mounting social alienation and the erosion of the social welfare net, and the black man in the White House. It’s gotta be the influence of that shadowy mysterious Other that eludes rational analysis.

Or, as Sarah Palin would posit it, “Will Obama express US lingering pain& ask Muslims for tolerance by discouraging 9/11 mosque while he celebrates Islamic holy month tonight?” Wha??

Posted in In the News.

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Movie Night

I am growing increasingly anxious about the beloved Mac PowerBook G4 12″ laptop upon which I type these words. It’s 4 1/2 years old (purchased April 2006), which is really about 90 years old (if 1 human year = 20 computer years). Functional though it may be, it is showing its age; my PowerBook definitely lacks the power and speed to effectively cope with new technology. The constant feverish whirl of the fan whines for respite at even the most basic tasks. Though I will say, despite its fatigue and obsolescence, my PowerBook is still as sexy to me as the day I bought it. Rawrh, you silver/titanium fox!

Yet as enamored and loyal as I am to my PowerBook, I’ve begun planning for the unthinkable. Over the years I haven’t been assiduously backing up files, and now I’m fearing the day when I reach for my PowerBook and it doesn’t reach back.

My hard drive had a few videos that might deserve to be rendered by posterity, so I uploaded them to YouTube. Here they are:

First, my slideshow of our New Hampshire White Mountains 4000 Footer Quest! Mr. P disapproved of my song choice of M.I.A., saying I should have chosen something more “happy,” but I felt music with abundant energy and a touch of malice was more appropriate.

I have fond memories of our bizarre trip to the Beaufort cheese factory in the French Alps, when the cream machine malfunctioned and began spewing water and steam on the tour group. “Farcical” does not even begin

It’s no secret that I find my husband to be hilarious, especially when he’s not trying to be. This video is exemplifies why I love Mr. P so very, very much.

The previous video unfailingly dissolves me into giggles, but the next one is Mr. P’s revengeful equivalent (not a surprise, given the French proclivity for America’s Funniest Home Video slapstick). This is my third or fourth time XC skiing in the French Alps. We were filming it so we could show my father-in-law how “good” I had gotten.

From our pre-Katrina trip to New Orleans, it’s Bourbon Street! Show us your… um… nevermind (I think the crowd noise can best be described as “shrieking laughter.”)

And finally, so that you go away with a warm-fuzzy feeling… baby black bears!

Posted in Existence.

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Oyster Odyssey

Before summer slips away like scoop of melted raspberry sorbet, we resolved to make one final ferry trip to Cape Cod. Only, instead of our usual bicycle route around the Province Lands followed by a long sand, sun, and surf soak on Race Point beach, we decided to make a pilgrimage to Wellfleet, the originating town of the oysters that Mr. P so adores. (Yes, we took a 90-minute ferry ride followed by a 20-mile bike ride just so we could eat oysters. We are childless yuppies, after all.)

The Saturday morning ferry from Boston to P-town was completely sold out. People sat on the decks, on the stairs, and on stranger’s laps. Spontaneous parties broke out everywhere, aided no doubt by the decent amounts of light beer and Bloody Marys that eager vacationers nonchalantly sipped at 9am. (If you ever wondered what American life would be like if 90% of the population were gay, I recommend taking a P-town ferry. Or going to France.)

P-town Ferry Bike Rack

Welcome to P-town!

On paper, our 20-mile bicycle route from P-town to Wellfleet looked easy. I always ascribe a certain flatness to the terrain of Cape Cod, but one cannot truly assess hilliness unless on a bicycle. Climbing an endless hill as fast-moving automobiles edge past my vulnerable flesh-and-blood vessel was an entirely new experience for me. This ain’t no rail trail! Luckily, the weather was perfect mid-70s sunshine and the route was charmingly scenic. Not a bad place to die.

P-town Scenery

Roadside Scenery, Truro, MA

We serendipitously rode past Truro Vineyards — one of Cape Cod’s few wineries, and the only one that offers tastings. Honestly, that’s what life with Mr. P is like. The man is a wine magnet. Luckily, we weren’t too far into our ride that sweat would have precluded us from stopping in the elegant tasting room to sample some local unoaked Chardonnay.

Enjoying the Cab Franc

Wining

Chardonnay Grapes

We could have stayed at the winery all day, but a much greater culinary award tempted us in Wellfleet. It took about two hours total of hard cycling — including a harrowing 1-mile stint on Route 6 alongside 50mph traffic — but we finally arrived in Wellfleet center, more than ready for lunch. Unfortunately, it was then that we found out that Mac’s Shack — the acknowledged go-to place for Wellfleet oysters — does not open for lunch. You know that scene in National Lampoon’s Vacation when the Griswolds arrive at Wally World only to find out that it’s closed (here)? Yeah, it was sort of like that.

Of course, there’s lots of dining establishments in Wellfleet that will all-too-gladly charge us $19 for a dozen local oysters. We headed to the pier and stopped at Pearl restaurant for some raw bar action.

Hell Yeah

One Dozen Wellfleets

Those oysters were sooo worth it. After lunch, we walked around the Wellfleet pier to digest before getting back on our bikes.

Wellfleet Pier

Birds @ Wellfleet Pier

I was more relaxed on the 20 miles back to P-town, having acclimated to riding concurrently with vehicular traffic. I realized that most cars took great care in passing me. I also realized that drivers don’t care how slow I’m going — in fact, I’m easier to pass because I’m going about 12 mph. Win-win.

We arrived back in P-town at 5pm. Most people were leaving the beach for their hotels and rentals, but we were finally just stepping foot on the sand. The posted water temperature was 61 degrees, a might bit chilly considering the air temperature was 75 degrees and falling precipitously as the sun scooted under some heavy evening clouds. But Mr. P could not be dissuaded from taking what may be his last ocean dip of the summer, and I sat on the blanket and watched him shiver as he slowly submerged himself into the sea.

Preparing for a swim as the lifeguards pack up

We headed to the bathhouse to rinse our salt-covered bodies and then rode into P-town center for a quick bit of South African fare at the Karoo Kafe, which is perhaps the most reasonably priced food on Cape Cod ($9 for 1/2 pound elk burgers!) Had we not had to catch a ferry, I would have loved to see comic Kate Clinton perform at the Crown and Anchor as Lady Haha. The sun set right before our 8:30pm ferry back to Boston, and Mr. P raced onto the beach to snag a few photos of the pink and rapturous summer sunset before it faded to darkness.

P-town Harbor

Posted in Trips.

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Re-ran

I remember when summer television was nothing but re-runs. Because only an idiot would waste precious summer nights in front of the television, and advertisers and hence network programming have historically tended to eschew the idiot demographic. Me, I was an idiot. I remember watching the 1992 Democratic Convention out of starvation for new summer programing. “Huh, well Roseanne‘s a rerun, guess I’ll watch this thing.”

Anyway, despite times having changed so that most people rarely leave the warming glow of television even on the hottest of nights, I still innately associate summer with re-runs. (You know what’s coming, right?) I’m still slowly porting over all my old blog content to this site. I’m stuck in June 2007. Great month for me creatively, and this post from June 23, 2007 called “Why I Turn My Nose Up At Your Lemonade Stand” (here and below) amused me. It’s great and convenient how I still manage to amuse myself…

Why I Turn My Nose Up At Your Lemonade Stand

I have nothing against entrepreneurship. In fact, it gladdens my heart to see such young children bilking consumers via a quaint business venture like a lemonade stand. In the age of Red Bull and smoothies, by purveying lemonade, you are tapping into nostalgic, romantic notions about summertime. I think that’s great, and I hope that you will grow up to be wildly successful capitalist pigs.

But for this lemonade stand to be a life lesson and not just a way to earn a few extra dollars, then I feel compelled to offer my feedback. Because you can give people fish… or teach fishing. And the latter saves a lot of money on a lot of crap like curbside lemonade. (There’s more than one definition for the word “patronize.”)

First, you need to work on your marketing. There’s thousands of advertisers out there, clamoring to whet my thirst with an exciting array of professional, polished beverages. The looseleaf paper sign with jagged pencil markings that say “Lemonade stand $1” may appeal to my sentimental whimsy, but it also makes me wonder if you stirred the lemonade with your snot-covered hands.

Which brings me to your overall corporate image. I mean, your lemonade “stand” is missing a stand. It’s a folding chair on the grass. Placed on the chair is a large plastic pitcher, a stack of clear plastic cups, and a can of lemonade mix. Mix! Oh, great, I love lemonade from a mix. So bland and sugary, without the sour zing of lemonade made from real lemons.

Manning the “stand” are three children, two of whom are rolling around on the grass with little regard to hygiene, none of whom is particularly cute. And when I walk by, the three children simultaneously train their gazes on me and chirp “Would you like to buy a lemonade?” Immediately I am alienated by the haughty expectant tone of voice, devoid of pitiful pleading. What, you expect me to just give you a dollar for a cup of water with lemonade mix stirred into it when it’s obvious zero effort and thought was put into this venture?

Do I even need to mention that it’s 75 degrees out and cloudy?

Posted in Nostalgia.

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Tastes Like Typhoid

A few weeks ago, Mr. P and I paid a visit to our friendly neighborhood travel clinic to inoculate ourselves against all of the disease and pestilence which we will soon encounter during our impending journeys abroad.

I knew I would probably need shots, but I had no idea:

“Hepatitis, meningitis, yellow fever, plus you’re overdue for a polio booster and a tetanus shot,” said the doctor, a formable blond German woman who ticked off entries on my menu of vaccines like she was ordering sushi.

“That’s five?” I asked, dazed. “Can you do them all at once?”

“No, we’ll do some today, and some next week. The Yellow Fever vaccine is a live one, so you’ll have to come back on a Thursday night.”

Actually, I had meant “Can you do them all in the same syringe?” but guess not. Since my fear of needles is legion (here) I was relieved that the sixth and final vaccine I would need — for typhoid — was an oral vaccine.

I got three shots that same day and two more shots when I came back for Yellow Fever night at the travel clinic. Mr. P and I each got the typhoid oral vaccine, a series of four pills that have to be kept refrigerated. “Live Typhoid!” the box of pills proclaims.

I waited a week or so for my body to recover from the assault on the immune system before I could even consider starting the typhoid vaccine.

“Honey, where’d you put the typhoid?” I called to Mr. P this morning as I rummaged through the refrigerator.

“Next to the butter,” he called.

Why was I surprised that ingesting live, powdered typhoid made me feel a wee bit nauseous? All day I nursed a queasy headache that was quite similar to a hard-liquor hangover, though I haven’t had one of those in years. I suppose my discomfort is nothing compared to actual typhoid, but egads.

After all these vaccinations, I will have the immunity of a demigod.

Posted in Existence.

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Take a Leak

All day I’ve been madly hydrating to replenish the buckets of bodily fluid depleted during this past weekend’s backpacking trip. The frenzy of water-drinking seemed on pace with the crazed nature of my day, which involved juggling multiple projects with looming deadlines while everyone else is on vacation or maternity leave. At one point I was composing 6 emails, 2 bug reports, an executive summary for a validity report, and a tutorial script while participating in 2 separate Skype conversations…  simultaneously. Better than stress-snacking is stress-water-sipping!

Naturally, the result of all this intense internal moistening was a pressing need to use the restroom. It’s never a good idea to hold your bladder at the office — it puts you in a prone, defenseless state — but the clock was nearing 6pm, I had been in the office since 8:30am, and I desperately wanted some Vitamin D. If I could only finish this email, and that email, and that email, then I could grab my stuff, hit the bathroom on the way out, and flee the office for  a solid 14 hours of respite.

Did you know that I type exceptionally well using only my right hand? It’s true! With my right hand, I pounded out a response to a colleague, and with my left hand I organized the mounting piles of paper on my desk. Professional maxim: Never let them see you sweat… or publicly accumulate a passel of paperwork.

Finishing my email, I closed Outlook, grabbed my tiny backpack, waved good-night to a co-worker, and rushed to the restroom. So dire was my need to urinate that I had to restrain myself from physically grasping my loins to obstruct any wayward fluid that might seep past the normally stalwart aperture. That would be a great bit of office gossip, right? “I saw Meredith running around, grabbing her crotch!”

Bursting into the bathroom, I threw my backpack into the sink and gratefully settled onto a toilet, where the relief was palatable and zealous. And as the great voiding tapered off into a tidy stream, I became aware of another gushing happening in my vicinity, a strong flood of fluid emanating forth… my God, was that the faucet? And after I hastily finished my business, I emerged from the stall to find that I had thrown my backpack into the well of a sink with an automatic faucet, and the stream never ceased, soaking the contents of my life in an angry torrent that some invisible force would… indeed, could not relent.

Posted in The 9 to 5.

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Carrigan Redux

The need to train our bodies and test our gear for our ever-impending trip to Machu Picchu happily coincided with a peerless weekend of summer weather in the White Mountains: cool sunshine, no humidity, with big billowy clouds to gently block the sun every-so-often. We packed our packs with new featherweight sleeping bags and other camping accouterments and hit I-93 North on Saturday morning. On the way, we debated the merits of various itineraries: Should we join the crush at the Guyot campsite in the Bonds? Do we maximize this training opportunity and brave the Kinsmen? How about an afternoon of slow suicide on the Hancocks?

In the end, we stuck with our original plan of hiking beloved Mount Carrigan (a 4000-Footer that we bagged 2 years ago), and then continuing down the Desolation Trail to camp near the scenic Nancy Pond Trail, which is purported on some internet user forums to have numerous remote spots for camping. Then, the next morning, we would amble easily for 5 miles of flat along the Carrigan Notch Trail to complete the loop back to our car, and then high-tail to a local town for a belly-busting brunch. Because the mere act of waking up in the woods burns about a thousand calories.

If you have a modicum of physical fitness, endurance, and/or youth, then hiking a 4700-foot mountain is kinda easy. But doing it with a large pack on your back is always, always a different, more agonizing story. Since we didn’t start hiking until 11am (a late start by hiker’s standards), we encountered dozens of day-hikers coming down from the top, all light and jaunty.

“How much further to the ridge?” I asked a man who was descending with a short-legged dog.

“Oh, probably about an hour,” he said. “But just a little further ahead, you’ll be above the treeline, and you can see the top as you’re walking to it.” He smiled the good-natured smile of a man who has been there. “It’s about an hour! Don’t worry, the view is worth it!” He was right, as we were soon above the trees and bathed in views:

View of Voss Spur and Carrigan Notch from Carrigan Ridge

It’s about 30 minutes from the ridge to the fire tower on the summit, but owing to the elating surroundings, it’s among the easiest 30 minutes of elevation gain in the Whites. As we approached the fire tower, it appeared to be deserted except for:

Mt. Carrigan Fire Tower

Mt Carrigan Summit

I managed to climb to the top of the tower without suffering from any of my trademarked vertigo-dizzy-fits.

Top of Carrigan Fire Tower

View of Carrigan Ridge

Neil Patrick Harris was here?!

After admiring Carrigan’s fine view, we hit the Desolation Trail, which I dreaded because the guide book used dire descriptive language (“very steep and rough” “requires great care” “substantial extra time may be required particularly on the descent or with heavy packs”). Honestly, we’ve done much worse. Bob Dylan’s sixties opus “Desolation Row” became lodged in my head as I took giant steps down the haphazard slabs of rock and strained to remember the lyrics:

Yes, I received your letter yesterday
About the time the doorknob broke.
When you asked how I was doing
Was that some kind of joke?
All these people that you mention
Yes, I know them, they’re quite lame
I had to rearrange their faces
And give them all another name
Right now I can’t read too good
Don’t send me no more letters, no
Not unless you mail them
From Desolation Row

The Carrigan Notch/Nancy Pond area lacks any official campsites, meaning that would-be campers must venture at least 200 feet off the trail in order to comply with forest regulations. And given that most campers are destructive slobs, that’s how it should be… so this next part is written shamed-facedly.  As soon as we ventured onto the Nancy Pond trail, we spied an established campsite just off the trail in a grove of tall pine trees — a cleared area with a nice fire pit. I was immediately tempted to stay there. Of course Mr. P wanted to find a site that was 200 feet off the trail — it’s the right thing to do, and he would hate to run afoul of the forest service and risk, like, losing his Green Card — and we poked around for about an hour looking for one, but in the end we decided we’d do a lot less environmental damage by staying at the established/illegal campsite.

Campsite with none of the comforts

This area is known for its black bear population. Humans whimsically name things Bear Peak, the Bear Deli, and the Bearfoot B&B, but when you’re tramping around the forest with a cache of energy bars strapped to your back, suddenly bears are transformed from a totem of our rugged frontier heritage to a menace. I was eager for nightfall so I could build a fire. But until then, Mr. P clung closely to his bear whistle. “Won’t the whistle just annoy the bear, so he’ll kill you to make the noise stop?”

Whistle, Whistle!

Night fell, and we sought light, heat, and comfort from our campfire. As the wood steadily turned into a pile of smoldering coals, all my fears of bear attacks melted into just another abstract impossibility, like an alien invasion or President Palin.  We absconded to the tent and slept deeply…

until 6am the next morning, when the forest stirred with light and life. We awoke, enjoyed a morning tea and a bite to eat, and then started our hike back to the car. (The early hiker catches the cobwebs.) When we finished, I looked fondly at my boots — a pair of mid-height Merrell’s that I bought 2 years ago at an REI Garage Sale and never wore due to that year’s abundance of boots — and I said, “You lucky boots. You have just won a trip to Machu Picchu!”

Posted in 4000 Footers.

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